Oct 21

Written by: Harlan Cohen
10/21/2008 7:44 PM

1.  Get involved before she asks

-  Women get wrapped up in the pregnancy from day one.  For men, it can take as long as day 280 (when the baby is born).  It’s important to attend as many doctors’ appointments as possible and get involved in all aspects of the pregnancy (shopping with her, going on a hospital tour, reading books & mags). Being involved helps you feel connected to her and to the baby and the entire experience.  I know this souds a little cliche, but force yourself to get involved before she asks.  The problem is that she might not ask you -- and then you'll feel completely disconnected.

 
2.  Create the birth plan as a team

- The rules of the game have changed. You are one of the players on the team and this means you need to know how the game is played.   What happens before, during, and after is essential in order to make the right moves during labor and delivery.  The birth plan addresses such question as -- Who’s going to be in the delivery room when she pushes?  Will she be medicated or not?  What happens if it's a C-section delivery?  Are you banking the cord blood (see Tip #77 for more info)?  What happens to the baby once baby is born?  What happens to your partner? Do you stay with mom or do you stay with the baby?  Or do you have the baby brought to mom right after baby is born so you can stay with mom and baby?   This is all part of the plan.  You can find a list of questions to address while putting together your plan in Dad's Pregnant Too (Tip #73 - The Birth Plan).

 
3.  Tell her she’s hot & spoil her

- Start early so you don’t look like you’re making it up.  She won’t believe you if you start talking after she’s grown out of her second pair of maternity pants.  Spoil her. Get her gift card and shop with her.   Give her a massage.  Do whatever it takes to let her know that the bigger she gets, the hotter she gets (and we're not talking body heat from the extra 30 pounds).

 
4.  You can be wrong and right

-  The pregnant female is challenging.  You need to get comfortable with the uncomfortable so you can react with kindness and compassion.  Being kind and compassionate can mean letting her think you’re wrong, even when you’re right.  A lot of pregnant women will think you're wrong even when you're right.  Try proving to her that she’s wrong and you’ll upset her.  And upsetting a pregnant woman always make you wrong (sorry).

 
5.  Get help before you need it

- From the car seat installation (most guys install it wrong / see Tip #64), to the first week home, to what happens in the delivery room, talk to other men and women who have been there and done it.   And if you ever feel down and depressed before, during, or after the birth, don’t hide it.  Get help. As many as 20 percent of men suffer from postpartum depression – it's really that common. Reach out for help before you really need it.
 

 

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